A Habit of Lists

Because I said I would, here are the quotes I copied from the 9/11 photos at the NY Historical Society exhibit. Days have passed between my being there and being here, and I thought for a few minutes that I might not post the quotes after all. Am I bombarding people with 9/11? But it strikes me over and over again that what I'm doing is healing. And others, from what I hear in response, are healing along with me by watching, listening to, or being a part of mine.

It's raining outside here in Santa Barbara. Land of the Maxfield Parrish sunlight and clouds, views and mountains, sky. It rained in NYC last week on 9/11. Interesting to me that out of two galleries of walls filled with 11" x 17" photos, the one that struck me the most was a simple cityscape, point of view looking down an EMPTY avenue, its even more distinguishing factor being the absolute clarity of sunlight the photo caught. That is the photo I got stuck in all those years ago, and that's where I've been walking around since.

Going back to NYC last week was the first time I "faced the music" so to speak. Went to the observances. Let my grief surface. Let myself be someone who grieves over this trauma. Before I returned, I was so interested in how it is we move on from grief. How it transforms us, and how we in turn transform. But being at the World Trade Center site, as the names were being read, as the rain was falling, across the water as the lights were shining upward into a black sky in remembrance, made me realize there is no hurry. There is no scramble to be fixed. Grief takes its slow steady time, unwinding like the coils of a snake languishing in sunlight, loathe to leave the rock that has been warming it. Grief transforms. We are changed by it. But first grief is grief. Its own spirit and will and breath. Before it moves through, it inhabits. The exquisite journey is to cohabitate.

"Not in our name."
"This is no time for cowboys." (Sign around the neck of a life-sized John Wayne cut-out.)
"The news makes me cry."
"Patriotism scares me."
"END WAR" (Written in block letters inside a ONE WAY sign.)
"PWPD/FD Meet Here - FLFD" (Written in the ash and dust on a van window.)

Names from some of the photos, that were on missing persons flyers:

Farah Jeudy
Antoine Jeudy
Mary Ortale
Peter Ortale
Barbara K. Olson
Melissa Vincent
Jonathan Ielpi
Deanna Galante
Patrick Sullivan
Tonyell McDae
Samantha and Lisa Egan
Jupiter Yamblen
Carlos Mario Munoz

Later, after the flyers that were captured in the photos were rained away, lists like this got compiled. A few phrases about each person, serving as a public memory.
www.september11victims.org/