I wonder...at what point does identity blend into the wallpaper pattern and day-to-day life emerges out from under it? I had a conversation with Bombo, to check his heart rate after he read my whole blog, and asked what he thought about my persuasions, namely, my being indiscriminate about gender when it comes to dating.
Bombo is a guy's guy working every day with guy's guys in a very guy's guy job fighting forest fires. He is a good man, a sweetheart, and a loyal friend to his friends and son to his parents. He is not a feminist or an activist. He does not, as far as I know, identify with any marginalized social or ethnic groups, and he has been known to rib a few liberals (i.e., me).
My community, on the other hand, is teeming with activists and feminists and humanists and people who politic about gender and identity and sex and social awareness and civic evolution. The lot of us are so fully gay or gay friendly, green, spiritually broad, and questioning about life in general that I forgot there were people in my age bracket who don't know about privilege (white, male, heterosexual, economic, etc).
So here I was yesterday, suddenly aware of my identity. Though I hadn't raised a fist or a flag over it in years, in my conversation with Bombo, I was suddenly feminist and bisexual and humanist and all very staunchly so. So much so that I was getting offended just waiting for Bombo's answers to offend me. I was different and defending my difference as normal.
His words were not meant to be offensive, and as a matter of fact, he was trying to be supportive, I think. But what I kept hearing was his privilege, the belief that I made some choices in my past...
I believe that my past is my present is my future, and that I am everything and everyone I've ever been. That's a lot of incarnations over the years, good and bad. But I'm not ashamed of the identity that my mish mosh of "choices" creates. It just jangled me awake to realize that I hadn't stood up for or about who I am in a long time. And made me wonder all over again if at some point, folks different from the cultural mainstream will be less of a conversation topic, than, say, how will we, as an entire culture, love?
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Cultural diversity is such an interesting topic. It seems to exist upon a continuum ranging from "everyone loves everyone else" to "no one loves anyone else".
ReplyDeleteIt seems that more "diverse cultures" have surfaced in recent history, say, the last 70 years or so. I suppose there are arguments that many of them have always existed and only recently come to the light of public scrutiny.
It also seems that the degree of intolerance has perhaps increased for such diversity, again, an arguable point I suppose. I see, however, a movement afoot which brings diverse groups together for dialogue in a positive manner. We may not all agree. In fact, our disagreement may be soul-deep, but, I have begun to see a more civil concourse between groups.
I tend to hold out hope that this tendency will grow in popularity and in practice. I admit, it has been a chore for myself but I do see a significant change and I like what I see.
We may never come to the time when we "all" love each other but perhaps we can dispense with much of the hardline hate speech and derision in favor of a simple agreement to disagree.
i Luv this post, pem.
ReplyDeletegood to hear your voice here. it's so...You. extraordinary. brilliant.
i love a woman who reminds me of a lot of you. your warmth, your intelligence, your passions....
sigh. good stuff indeed.