Gross National Happiness

Lunchtime today:
I am so incredibly grumped out. I can barely stand myself. I'm sitting at lunch for the second day in a row wondering if I can just get away and get a hold of myself in this hour. Ugh.

I'm mad at the traffic. Mad at the line at lunch. Mad at the music overhead covering Coldplay, and mad at the girl unhappy that I asked her to bring me salad dressing. Mad she said she would bring it and didn't.

Mad at the European tourists' shoes. Mad at this gorgeous day, or not that exactly, but the attitudes underneath it, carefree. Mad I have one hour for lunch, mad I feel guilty for taking the hour. Mad I have to work at all on a beautiful and disarming day like today. Mad at my temp for leaving. Mad I have no one to replace her. Mad that my desk drawer breaks. Mad that It's not all just right. Mad that Michael's gone. Mad that this gorgeous, unbelievable, beautiful spring day is here without Michael beneath it and Talia and everything I ever knew before this winter is changed to some other animal with some other pelt and some other mode of recognizing itself in its environment.

Then, dinner with Michael's mom and step dad:
"Did you know that recently the King of Bhutan abdicated the throne in favor of democracy and threw out Gross National Product in favor of Gross National Happiness?"

Now:
There's a kitten in my lap. Happy me for kitten tonic. Gross National Kittens.