What God Says

Oprah is the new Jesus.

My friend, Britt, loves Oprah. A fan myself, but a less avid TV watcher, I listen greedily to Britt's reports, of recent Oprah shows, of her latest magazine articles, about the love and tolerance and awareness the woman generates daily WORLDWIDE.

Britt was telling me about Oprah's new show, THE BIG GIVE, where she has made a game out of giving contestants money, to see how much they can in turn multiply it and give it to people in need. That's a story straight out of the Bible, where a father gives each of his sons "talents." The son who puts his talents to work and multiplies them wins his father's favor. (Pardon my bastardized version of the Bible. Maybe we'll publish it and call it the Queen Pema version.)

Well, I'm a downright sucker for giving money away. So upon Britt's proclamation, and a few dips into the pre-dinner cocktails we were on, I replied, "Oprah is the new Jesus."

Then we laughed our heads off.

Then I thought, I should blog that.

Then I googled for images that might illustrate my short but profound sentiment.

Then I found all these "Pray for Oprah" links that called her the Devil and Satan and misguided and brain-washed, and gleefully leading dangerous millions of people to their firey eternal graves!! Oprah! Please, everyone pray for her and all those innocents misguided by her EVIL DEEDS!!!

Sheeeucks, folks. Can we get a COTTON-PICKIN GRIP ON REALITY PLEASE GOD ALMIGHTY??? A grip is all I ask. One teeny tiny little GRASP on the physical world thank you very MUCH.

According to these pleas, Oprah is getting attacked for her active role in teaching "A Course In Miracles," which is described this way: a complete self-study spiritual thought system...it teaches that the way to universal love and peace—or remembering God—is by undoing guilt through forgiving others.

According to Wikipedia, over 1.5 million copies have sold worldwide in sixteen different languages.

Sounds pretty harmless, right? Pretty progressive and peace-generating, and moving, hey? Even Christ-like.

Not to the thumpin' folk, who have blanched at the experience of the book's "scribe," Helen Schucman. Her spiritual testimony bears that she heard an "inner dictation" that identified itself as the voice of Jesus Christ. It said, "This is a course in miracles. Please take notes."

IMPOSSIBLE!! HERETICAL!! HEATHEN! Antithetical to the Bible, so many have cried. But I have one thing to ask....

Isn't the Bible written in the same way? Is it not a series of books written in the hands of scribes who were moved by the holy spirit? If the system worked for God flawlessly back in the days of papyrus and ink pots, granites and chisel, then imagine how fast he can record his thoughts via a few eager listeners in the computer age. Thank you divine mortals Bill Gates and Steve Jobs. Thank you contemporary scribes who are willing to put your butts on the line by answering your spiritual call amid a fearful public.

When a very ordinary Mary is plucked from an ordinary life to deliver the son of, oh, you know, GOD... what will it take in today's world for believers to open up and allow the possibility that the spirit still moves ordinary folks to deliver extraordinary messages? The Bible went blockbuster. In a world where sequels sell, why would God stop there?