Feeling surly tonight.
Some friends touched on a hot spot:
My lack of self respect in the company of men.
Isn't that weird?
Haughty and self-important as I get?
That I could lose my words completely
and let some flake flake his flakey flake
without so much as a "beat it, bastard" from me?
They're referring to the guy who crossed my path two weeks ago.
We ran into each other out on the bike path at the beach.
The last I had heard from him was months earlier, when after several intriguing and fun nights out, and an invite for another one, he dissolved to flake-town.
But, did I, out there on the bike path, say, oh "hey, it's you, the jerk that disappeared into nowhere land"?
Nope.
I rollerbladed next to him while he ran, participating in nearly three miles of conversation, as if months hadn't passed.
Then we planned and met for dinner to discuss a story project.
Then we kissed.
It had led up to that hadn't it?
All those conversations? This new light. This new angle of our time together.
Please.
My friends are wondering why he shouldn't flake again, since I've set that standard already.
They're wondering why I always complain about attracting flakes when it's me who's allowing it from the get-go. With my wordlessness.
I got it.
But not without this mood. And this sensation of getting busted open.
I got busted.
There are redeeming qualities to getting called out.
But sometimes you just have to be ugly first.
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Wow! I'm impressed, my "mood" usually lasts for as long as I can stretch it out after being called out...sometimes for weeks. (PMS helps with the "mood" at times too) Then you can use the "mood" for even longer.
ReplyDeleteHe met someone else who grappled his attention for the moment. Men are simple creatures and as such are easily distracted. Many are also simple minded. You are smarter than almost all of them, you know, like the toothpaste, 99.44%.
ReplyDeleteSimply bear that in mind next time and treat the knuckle dragger accordingly. Remember, don't feed the wild life. They'll follow you home and your mother won't let you keep them.