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Saturday, December 26, 2009

Identity Crisis

Hi Folks,

I'm having an identity crisis. I started this blog way back when to practice public writing. Being out there, getting out there with what I think, how I write. It was a personal challenge then, to be open and naked on the park bench.

Then I went freelance, started selling my name and my services, and all over again, I weigh my personal stories and observations against what I "should" or "shouldn't" say in public. The challenge is still there.

I hate that.

How much do people want to hear about my personal inner workings? Do I really want to write the details of my latest dates--which I love to process aloud, because the dating/mating ritual is to me like watching National Geographic special--with anyone who will log on to see? Not really. But some of it is really funny. Other stuff is heartbreaking as I learn my curve. Not all of it is appropriate for publication.

I hate that word. Appropriate.

What does that mean, anyway?

Another wedge to the crisis is that life has been deep lately. I'm learning to look sad when I feel sad. Learning to show anger when I feel it. Learning to be a dork when I feel awkward. Letting the shine wear down to get to what's real. Some of it is so deeply personal, I feel silly writing about it in a public forum. Even though I know it's something valuable we all have as an opportunity to learn sometimes. It's human.

The point is, I've been reticent. And unsure what to commit to the page.

Until I do, commit, that is, check out my professional site. My company is called Ink Street and you can find me there (.com).


1 comment:

  1. This is so timely for me to read Pema. having just started a blog about my journey using the Shiva Nata dance, I find that I am also holding back form teh deeply personal elements both because I worry about the impact on my current and potential clients who will read it and because I think- who cares? And does that even matter? Saw Julie and Julia this weekend and realized I fear that "narcissist" label that could come from my blogging. My life's work is the antithesis of 'it's all about me' so...thanks for giving me some space to voice related fears and wishing you continued depth!