Anonymous

David Duchovny, star of "Californication" and formerly of "X-Files" apparently entered a re-hab facility recently for a problem. Regina sums it up here.

He had to go to sex anonymous?
Addicts anonymous?
Clearly it wasn't anonymous if everybody knows about it.
Poor dude.

Givin’ and Gettin’: How to Solve All Your Money Problems Forever

This article went live on Wednesday. Ever wonder how mystery, sexuality, and money mix in your life? Read how it mixed for me on Carrie and Danielle.

Enjoy!

$ Tank

Jeez Louise, go sit in the forest a couple of days and pop goes the world! Check out this idea for an economic bailout by Birk T. J. Birkenmeier!

Hi Pals,

I'm against the $85,000,000,000.00 bailout of AIG. Instead, I'm in favor of giving $85,000,000,000 to America in a We Deserve It Dividend.

To make the math simple, let's assume there are 200,000,000 bonafide U.S. Citizens 18+. Our population is about 301,000,000 +/- counting every man, woman and child. So 200,000,000 might be a fair stab at adults 18 and up. So divide 200 million adults 18+ into $85 billon that equals $425,000.00.

My plan is to give $425,000 to every person 18+ as a We Deserve It Dividend. Of course, it would NOT be tax free. So let's assume a tax rate of 30%. Every individual 18+ has to pay $127,500.00 in taxes. That sends $25,500,000,000 right back to Uncle Sam. But it means that every adult 18+ has $297,500.00 in their pocket.

A husband and wife has $595,000.00. What would you do with $297,500.00 to $595,000.00 in your family? Pay off your mortgage - housing crisis solved. Repay college loans - what a great boost to new grads Put away money for college - it'll be there Saved in a bank - create money to loan to entrepreneurs.

Buy a new car - create jobs

Invest in the market - capital drives growth

Pay for your parent's medical insurance - health care improves

Enable Deadbeat Dads to come clean - or else

Remember this is for every adult US Citizen 18+ including the folks who lost their jobs at Lehman Brothers and every other company that is cutting back.

And of course, for those serving in our Armed Forces.

If we're going to re-distribute wealth let's really do it...instead of trickling out a puny $1000.00 ("vote buy") economic incentive that is being proposed by one of our candidates for President.

If we're going to do an $85 billion bailout, let's bail out every adult US Citizen 18+! As for AIG - liquidate it. Sell off its parts. Let American General go back to being American General. Sell off the real estate. Let the private sector bargain hunters cut it up and clean it up. Here's my rationale. We deserve it and AIG doesn't. Sure it's a crazy idea that can "never work."

But can you imagine the Coast-To-Coast Block Party! How do you spell Economic Boom? I trust my fellow adult Americans to know how to use the $85 Billion We Deserve It Dividend more than I do the geniuses at AIG or in Washington DC. And remember, The Birk plan only really costs $59.5 Billion because $25.5 Billion is returned instantly in taxes to Uncle Sam.

Ahhh...I feel so much better getting that off my chest. Kindest personal regards, Birk T. J. Birkenmeier, A Creative Guy & Citizen of the Republic

P.S. Feel free to pass this along to your pals as it's either good for a laugh or a tear or a very sobering thought on how to best use $85 Billion.

Breitenbush Hot Springs

This is where I was the past two days. Hangin' at a cool hippie joint in Oregon miles away from anywhere. Got a lot of reading and writing and thinking done. My fiction client will be happy to hear that. :)

Photo Credit

Love Stretches Out

PEMA: i'm sorry you're sad
PEMA: i was really sad when you left too
PEMA: that was a weird void

LAURA: i didn't like feeling jealous of you
LAURA: not jealous of you
LAURA: of your new friends, is what i mean to say
LAURA: and yeah, it made me wonder if people felt that when i left

PEMA: new friends are like new views, maybe.
PEMA: they may turn out to be pretty and inspiring, but they're never the ones you leave back home

LAURA: aww
LAURA: this weekend was the twins next door's birthday
LAURA: so i was telling them after the party how much we loved them and loved sharing their growing up together, etc.

PEMA: that's really sweet

LAURA: and sophia got really sad and wouldn't say why

PEMA: oh no, did she ever say?

LAURA: finally she fessed that she was sad because i said such nice things to the boys and that i don't say that to her

PEMA: omg, that girl is articulate

LAURA: so i had this conversation with her that love is not like cookies
LAURA: a plate of cookies, every time you eat one, you have less cookies
LAURA: but with love, every time you love someone new, you only have more love to give, your heart gets bigger
LAURA: you can love more
LAURA: so anyway, here i was talking that talk, but not walking it when it came to you
LAURA: i was feeling like someone else was nibbling on my cookie
LAURA: you
LAURA: silly me

PEMA: i'm a bake oven
PEMA: not just a cookie plate.

LAURA: new friends could never be more sexy, exciting, new and shiny than your old friends, right?

PEMA: what does ani say?
PEMA: there's nothing like seeing your own history in the faces of your friends?

LAURA: yeah
LAURA: she also says f*ck you a lot
LAURA: was glad that wasn't your quote

PEMA: hehe

LAURA: ani quote time

PEMA: f*ck you?

LAURA: when i look down, i miss all the good stuff. when i look up, i just trip over things

PEMA: that's great

LAURA: its ani

PEMA: are you still feeling sad?

LAURA: better to talk to you

PEMA: can i blog that sweet cookie talk?

LAURA: yeah.

Party Tableau

a thousand words


.

Party Prep

Regina loves a party. She loves a party so much that she loves party prep and party clean up. She loves a party so much that even the yard work leading up to the party is a rockin' good time, weeding, edging, raking, sweeping, power mowing. I got enlisted to mow the lawn while she walked the dog. She was excited when, out in the garage, smell of gasoline in the air, she gripped the handle bar of the mower and instructed me on how to start the thing up. "You'll feel so butch," she said. "It's totally fun." Soon, I'm sure, you'll see a picture of Regina, tiny, curvaceous, fabulous-haired Regina, and you'll understand how funny that is.

Mmnllewup shlaagrrnepsh

That's me talking when my mouth's not awake yet.
Late night.

Welcome to Portland Party today! More later. Like pix n stuff. :-)

Heads Up

Hey, so I quit my job in finance to move to Portland and get paid to write.

I now live in Portland and I'm getting published on Friday.

Check out www.CarrieandDanielle.com today to nose around the site for context, and then on Friday...go there again to read my article! I promise it will titillate.

Things You Say But Don't Mean

Having moved just over a week ago, I am still organizing notes and files. Usually in stacks of creased and crumpled receipts, I find stray post-its penciled with found dialogue--which means somebody says it, I scribble it down. Thanks to my heterosexual friend, Steve, for these inadvertently generous bits.

"Man, my ass took a pounding today."
(After a full day Harley ride)

"I'm gonna go get poked."
(On the way out the door to an acupuncture appointment)

The sound of sadness

Okay, I'm not dejected or depressed or morose. Or bummed out or sad to be here or thinking I made the wrong move. On the contrary, I'm happy for the change. But I have been silent. And slow to action. And loathe to email. And even further afield from making phone calls. Feh. (And let's tip-toe right over that word "Daily" emblazoned on my blog moniker, shall we?).

For me silence is the sound of sadness. I have dramatic tendencies in conversation (ask Lisa if she likes beets), and when finding humor in situations, and in my playwriting. But I am less emotive out in the world. Less ready to say, "hey look at me, I feel like crying! Hey, you know what? I miss my friends! I miss those damned kittens that drove me crazy and then grew up to be cute and friendly and around all the time! I'm sad I missed meeting Twilight's new baby because he was being born while I was driving to my new state." Nope that's not me, not my words, not even my awareness. My awareness, instead, is lack. Like a lobotomy. Not a lot of talking. A whole lot of busy (had some deadlines this week). And a whole lot of moving slow. (Isn't it weird the kitchen ALWAYS needs cleaning?)

I'm in the land of disconnect...where I am no longer where I was, and not fully materialized into where I am.

I'm in an in-between world, like waking up from a nap, not quite out of dream world. That might explain prolific dreaming since I've been here.

I'm looking forward to some solidity, so I can call my friends and talk and tell them all is well. And thank Tania for the little sauce pan. And everyone else for the going-away love.

Only today did the weather turn to gray, from spectacular sunshine. I'm really happy about that, because I've been down in the basement working all day the past week, and the weather change makes me feel less guilty about missing the sun for the sake of work. (I made a little office in the basement.)

So that you don't think it's all bad, here are a couple of bits of word lint I picked up in recent days:

I went on a bike ride with a nice guy whose house I looked at to rent. We took a spectacular path all around the river and then along it. We stopped after several miles to rest at the end of a little wooden dock, jutting out into water, surrounded by hills and evergreens and Portland bridges. We talked and stretched. He got up at one point, and bent at the waist to stretch his hamstrings. He looked through his legs upside down and commented, "Wow, the view between my legs is really cool!"

A few days later, Gina brought home burritos.

GINA: I didn't know what kind of salsa you like, red or green, so I brought both.

ME: I like both. I'm bi-salsa identified.

I realize I need to update the cast of characters on the side of my blog, but I'm not quite ready for that. When I defrag into Portland more fully, I'll do it.

Portland is Good Today

This is my new house on a warm Portland day (today).

I hear the rain will come next week, but we won't talk about that yet.

This is where I rode my bike today.

Garden Extraordinaire

We canned tomatoes yesterday!!

Hello Mother, Hello Mother

Readers will remember "Pema Has Four Mommies." That joke lasted, and made leaving Santa Barbara particularly sad on move day. ...by way of keeping my move news posted, here's the letter I wrote to Lisa, Tania, Kate and Kara yesterday.

Dear Mommies,
Camp Portland is cool but I miss you. After we got here on Monday night, I met up with my two counselors, Gina and Regina. Funny names, huh? They made a bunk for me that is up some stairs in their house. That’s the way it works here. You stay in your counselor’s house until you get your own cabin. I was kind of sad to leave my new friend who I met on the ride to camp, but he had to stay at his counselor’s house, too. He is 23 and traveled all around Russia and Scandanavia before going to Camp Portland, so he told lots of cool stories. His name is Ted. His brother chases eclipses! They went on a long hike with some other people to find the best place to watch an eclipse in Russia. They rode trains for longer than 24 hours sometimes! Going to some place that used to be called Siberia I guess.

It was really pretty when we got here. It was dark but the lights were twinkling when we drove over the river. It was finally not hot anymore. All day long on our drive we were very hot and all the farms and fields all around us were dry and brown. Oh, and we drove through a forest that was on fire! I probably shouldn’t tell you that ‘cause you’ll worry. But it’s alright, I’m here now.

My favorite part of the drive was when we were almost here. It was nighttime and the windows were down. We couldn’t see where we were because it was dark, but every few minutes we could SMELL what we were driving past. We smelled green onions, and then hay, and then cow poop (yuck), and something else I can’t remember. Then we got to Camp Portland and we smelled flowers.

Since coming to camp I have slept a lot and yesterday we took all my boxes and things out of the moving truck. Then I went around town to find my cabin. It is kind of weird because at other camps they already have a cabin and bunkmates set up when I get there. But “Cabin Hunt” is one of the activities at Camp Portland, and it’s not so bad. I met some interesting campers yesterday who live in a style of cabin called “Old Portland.” I guess they built it in the Olden Days. We went in the basement and it smelled like it. My counselors told me I could stay in my room up the stairs as long as I want and that “Cabin Hunt” is meant to go on during a lot of other activities, too. They said the prize for that activity is the cabin itself. Weird camp. But that’s okay. They said there are other activities I can get a Camp Portland blue ribbon for. Like cooking, and making friends, and picking vegetables from the garden, and good citizenship on rainy days.

I hope you can come visit me at camp soon. I miss you a lot and love you more.

Love,
Pema

Park Bench Portland

See it?



Photo: Tim Hanson

The Future's Open Wide

Hit play and listen to this in the background as you scroll down and read on...



Made it into Portland tonight. Driving over the Ross Island Bridge, building lights were shining off the water. Windows were down and our speed whipped the dark blue cool into the car. So beautiful after a hot 11-hour drive. Dido was playing some wah-wah song on the radio. I said to Ted, my passenger, we need an anthem for this arrival, not this whiny Dido. Ted moved to Portland today, too. We shared the ride from Oakland, CA (thank you Craigslist) and bumped fists when we crossed from California into Oregon. Ted turned the station and immediately found "Melt With You." (Modern English 1982! Perfect anthem.) Nothing like iconic 80s pop for nostalgia in the making. It filled the car and diffused on the wind as we drove over the bridge into our new town, night fragrant, air soft, and futures open wide.


Photo: Hisashiburi


Photo: Phoenixtx

In transit

Hi, it's Tania. Pema said I could guestblog, so here I am. Pema's on the road to her new home. The setting and cast of characters are changing (soap opera voiceover: "now playing the role of Pema's housemates are Gina and Regina"). It was sad saying goodbye to Pema, so I wrote songs. In case you missed the fabulous group performance at Pema's going away party, here they are...

So Long, Pema
(to the tune of “So Long, Farewell” from “The Sound of Music”)

There’s a sad sort of singing in Santa Barbara
And your friends are all feeling blue
And we think you must be crazy to leave us
Just a little bit coo-coo (coo-coo coo-coo)
Regretfully you tell us (coo-coo)
But firmly you compel us (coo-coo)
To say goodbye
To you…

So long farewell, auf weidersehen, goodnight
Despite the rain, your future will be bright

So long farewell, goodbye, auf weidersehen
Without you here, life will be so mundane

So long farewell, auf weidersehen adieu
We love you so with friendship tried and true

So long farewell, auf weidersehen and ciao
Brie and Zola say “meow meow meow meow meow”

So long farewell, you head to the Northwest
You’ve touched us all; with Pema we’ve been blessed

You have to go, we cannot change your mind
But don’t forget the friends you left behind

Your bags are packed; it’s time to wave and cry

So long farewell, auf weidersehen, goodbye
Goodbye...
Goodbye....
Goodbye....
Goodbye...


Pema’s Leaving
(to the tune of “Babe, I’m Leaving” by the most excellent 80’s band, Styx)

Pema’s leaving
She must be on her way
It’s almost time to go
Portland’s gaining a writer and a friend
Who’ll keep them on their toes
But we’ll be lonely without you
We’ll read your blog when we feel blue
Thanks so much for enriching all our lives
We’ll be missing you

You know it’s Pema
When you’ve had a bad day and you need a hug
She’s like cheerful drug
Oh, yes, it’s Pema
Knowing you can always call on Ms. Teeter
To go to the theater
Yes, it’s true
Pems, we’ll miss you

Pema’s leaving
This is our final verse
And then we’ll have to part
We’ll keep you close despite the long distance
Right here in our hearts
But we’ll be lonely without you
We’ll read your blog when we feel blue
Thanks so much for enriching all our lives
We’ll be missing you
Pems, we love you.

Truth is in the Timing

What's true?
That's up for grabs a lot, depending on who is telling the story.

Opinion, on the other hand, we can agree by definition that opinion is in the mouth of the beholder. But when that mouth keeps moving and the story changes before your ears, who do you believe? How are you persuaded?

I got it! Truth is in the timing. Take a (hilarious) look:

oink

Pigs keep crossing my path. Not actual pigs, but pictures of them, and pigs, strangely, have been coming up in conversation. Look at this smiley guy. I found him this morning while traversing the google fields.

So I looked up "Pig Totem," and this is what it says:
Pig: symbol of Wealth, Prosperity and Luck

The pig moves swiftly and with determination. It intuitively knows the best reaction to various situations. If the pig is your personal totem, learn from its determination and swift motion to take the right actions in your life.

The Greek earth fertility goddess, Demeter, kept a sacred pig which became a symbol of fertility.

Native American Indians recognize the pig as a symbol of the abundance of daily life and believe that it teaches us to celebrate life and share it with others.

The pig is a strong symbol of luck. If you need more luck in financial matters, the pig provides prosperity in abundance.

Manannan, the Celtic God of the Sea, kept a magical herd of pigs (which renewed itself as soon as any were eaten). Manannan hosted a great annual "Feast of Age", where the gods acquired the ever-renewing qualities of the pigs, and thus never grew old.


...Good timing. Because, tomorrow's my going away party and the day after that is me going away! Wealth, prosperity and luck are welcome to come along.

Photo: My Little Space

chirp

I wonder if birds get songs stuck in each others' heads.

list

Hi.
I know.
I have been
starkly absent from the
bench. I am sorry. It
seems to be all I can
do to move through the house and
move things around, and open boxes, take things
out, move them around, close the boxes, and move
through the house. Today, however, I got the car
serviced, ix-nayed the ew-nay ires-tay, got new
speakers, and got the car washed. I
also got a massage and
went to the chiropractor.
Because, ouch, I
hurt my
back.

if
this
continues
this
lethargy
this
pallor
this
pain
then
each
day
i
will
write
a
list
just
to
write
something
until
the
funk
moves
on
to
some
other
neighborbood.
as
it
stands
(while
i
sit)
i
am
guessing
this
move
to
portland
is
bigger
than
i
expected
and
i
am
feeling
it
accordingly.